Making “Special Time” Truly Special: How 5 Minutes a Day Can Transform Your Connection with Your Child
- Meredith Irwin
- Nov 12
- 3 min read
Have you heard of “special time”? It’s a simple but powerful parenting tool—just a few minutes of one-on-one, undivided attention with your child each day that can dramatically strengthen your bond and reduce behavior challenges.
But to really make special time special, there are a few important guidelines to follow.
What Is “Special Time”?
“Special time” is a short, intentional period—usually 5–10 minutes a day—where you set aside distractions and focus completely on your child.
It’s not about teaching, correcting, or directing. It’s about connecting.
When children get this kind of focused attention, they feel seen and valued—and that sense of connection reduces the need to seek attention through misbehavior.
The Proven Benefits of Special Time
Just a few minutes of true, positive attention each day can lead to:
✅ Fewer power struggles
✅ Better listening and mood regulation
✅ Improved cooperation and emotional resilience
✅ A stronger, happier parent-child connection
It’s not magic—but it can feel like it. Because when kids feel deeply understood, they respond with more calm, confidence, and cooperation.
How to Do Special Time with Your Child
Here’s how to make the most of those few minutes together:
Set aside 5–10 minutes of uninterrupted time ideally at least 4 times a week
Put away your phone and turn off distractions like the TV.
Let your child choose what to play, as long as it’s safe.
Follow their lead. Don’t take over or make suggestions—just be present and engaged.
The Do’s of Special Time (The “PRIDE” Skills)
These strategies come from Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), a research-backed approach that helps strengthen relationships through play. Notice the goal number of times you should do each skill. You will talk A LOT but it's what makes this work so well!
You can remember the core skills with the acronym PRIDE:
P – Praise
Notice and name what your child does well. Aim to do this 10 times in 5 minutes!
Be specific!
Instead of “Good job,” try:
“Good job putting those blocks together.”
“You’re being so careful with those blocks!”
“I love how gently you’re petting the dog.”
Specific praise builds confidence and reinforces positive behavior.
R – Reflect
Repeat or rephrase what your child says to show you’re listening. Aim to do this 10 times in 5 minutes!
Child: “I made a tower!”
You: “You did make a tall tower!”
Reflections help your child feel heard and encourage language development.
I – Imitate
Join your child’s play by doing what they’re doing.
If they’re stacking blocks, stack yours right beside them.
Imitation shows approval, cooperation, and connection.
D – Describe
Narrate what your child is doing, like a sportscaster. Aim to do this 10 times in 5 minutes!
“You’re driving the blue car around the track.”
This helps kids focus, expand their vocabulary, and feel noticed.
E – Enjoy
Show genuine warmth and delight.
Smile. Laugh. Use your happy voice.
Your enjoyment says, “I love being with you, just the way you are.”
The Don’ts of Special Time
To make the most of this connection, try to avoid:
🚫 Commands: “Put that here.” “Stop doing that.”
🚫 Questions: “Why did you do that?” “What are you making?”
🚫 Criticism or corrections: “That’s not how it goes.” “Be careful!”
When we stop directing, kids start to lead—and that builds self-esteem, creativity, and cooperation in all areas of life.
How Often Should You Do Special Time?
Aim for at least 5 minutes of special time, 4 days a week.
You’ll start to notice power struggles fading, laughter returning, and a renewed sense of calm and closeness between you and your child.
The Bottom Line
“Special time” isn’t just play—it’s an investment in your relationship.
It shapes how your child listens, loves, and learns.
Set a goal to try it this week, even for a few minutes a day—and watch how those small moments create big change.
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